Relationship Goals: How to Win at Dating, Marriage, and Sex

Table of Contents

• Aiming for the Right Thing
• Single, Not Alone
• Dating with Purpose
• Marriage is Work
• God's Design for Sex

Aiming for the Right Thing

Pastor Michael Todd argues that our culture has a warped view of "relationship goals." We look at curated photos of couples on Instagram—matching outfits, exotic vacations, perfect smiles—and we say, "I want that." But we are looking at the fruit, not the root.

You can't have a healthy relationship if you aren't a healthy person. Todd emphasizes that the goal isn't just to find the right person, but to become the right person. You attract who you are. If you are broken, insecure, and toxic, you will attract broken, insecure, and toxic people.

Single, Not Alone

Todd reframes singleness. It is not a curse, a disease, or a waiting room. It is a season of preparation and purpose. He distinguishes between being "single" (separate, unique, whole) and being "alone." You can be single and fulfilled. You can be married and lonely.

He advises using your single season to: * Deepen your relationship with God. * Discover your purpose. * Heal from past trauma. * Get your finances in order. * Serve others.

If you don't know who you are before you get married, you will look to your spouse to define you, which puts an impossible burden on them.

Dating with Purpose

Todd advocates for "intentional dating." Don't date just to pass the time or because you're lonely. Date with the intention of finding a marriage partner.

Key principles: * Be honest from day one. Don't send your "representative." Be your authentic self. * Ask hard questions early. Don't wait six months to find out their views on faith, money, and kids. * Don't ignore red flags. When people show you who they are, believe them. * Guard your heart. Don't give 100% of your emotional intimacy to someone who hasn't made a covenant commitment to you.

Marriage is Work

Marriage is not a Disney movie. It is a covenant. It is two imperfect people choosing to love each other every day, even when they don't feel like it.

Todd emphasizes that love is a verb. It's an action. It's sacrifice. It's forgiveness. He discusses the importance of "fighting fair"—attacking the problem, not the person. He also stresses the need for community. You need other godly couples around you to support and hold you accountable.

God's Design for Sex

Todd speaks candidly about sex. He argues that sex is powerful—it's like fire. In the fireplace (marriage), it provides warmth and light. Outside the fireplace, it burns the house down.

He discusses the concept of "soul ties"—that sex creates a spiritual bond between two people. When you have sex with multiple people, you fragment your soul. He encourages those who have made mistakes to seek God's forgiveness and restoration, emphasizing that purity is not just about virginity; it's about the posture of your heart.